Question of the Day: A Man’s Dilemma |

Question of the Day: A Man’s Dilemma

Marie Denee | January 21, 2010 - 12:52 PM
Buffer
email
Ask the Curvy Fashionista

Ask the Curvy Fashionista

I quite often get emails about plus size fashion, the trends, how to, where I can find a specific item or outfit, and today I received my first- a gentleman sent me an email about how to respond to a failed attempt at complimenting a woman’s shape…

Please read on, and share your thoughts about this…

I thought you might have some good insight on this, so here goes.

I met a really attractive and intelligent woman at a party a few weeks ago. It was a public event at an art gallery. She was a high school teacher in her early thirties. We had been talking for a good half hour and really seemed to be hitting it off. We had even made tentative plans to meet for coffee sometime.

Then, things suddenly went downhill. I commented that she had a nice, full, hourglass figure. I thought she would take it as a compliment but instead she became deeply offended. She snapped, “Oh really well perhaps I should do some plus size modeling!” I went into damage control mode and tried to clarify my comments but I think I only exacerbated things when I used the term “healthy.” With a look of complete disgust, WHAP!, she slapped my face and departed.

I will never forget those agonizing moments in the immediate aftermath, as I was standing there alone rubbing my cheek, drawing some judgemental stares from onlookers. Needless to say, it was not my proudest moment, LOL.

She had the classic figure of a 50′s pinup – large bust, narrow waist, shapely hips/legs. I guess she had interpreted “hourglass” as meaning big/overweight/full figured. I just thought it meant shapely and well proportioned.

When I told a female friend about this she shook her head and said it was never a good idea to comment on a woman’s figure, even if I thought it was complimentary. What do you think about this?

My response to this?

I would have to agree… it can be a tricky line to balance or walk… only if you know her personally, then does that become appropriate to comment so openly.
You can tell her she is beautiful, but especially on the first date, that is not the place… you may have the weakness for curves, but when everything, for a curvy woman, is defined or commented on her appearance, it can be a sore spot for those who are already defensive about it.

Next time, if you see a woman with banging curves, and you think she is gorgeous, tell her she is beautiful and save the bodily comments for down the line, once you know how she feels about her body…

Ladies, care to weigh in?

What do you think? You like, agree, I want to know your thoughts! Share by leaving a comment or stay in touch by subscribing to the The Curvy Fashionista Newsletteror sharing with your fellow Curvy Fashionistas!

About Marie Denee

Marie Denee is owner of the Curvy Fashionista, sharing the latest trends and designers in plus size fashion, beauty, and accessories to keep you Curvy.Confident.Chic.! Have you checked out Curvy.Confident.Chic - the home of the JUST LAUNCHED plus size ebook!? BUY NOW!
Save up to 50% off during the ASOS sale

Related Posts

  • Simone

    Yes, I agree that it was inappropriate to comment on this woman’s body. Period. However, t was also inappropriate (and strange) for her to react with physical violence. I suspect something’s missing from this exchange…

  • http://www.curvygurlchronicles.com Melzie

    I think making a remark, whether you think it’s a compliment or not, after only a few minutes of dialogue sets a bad tone (regardless of body shape).

  • LColaric

    I think a slap from a woman or a man is inappropriate. That said, when a man meets a woman or vice/versa, comments about physical appearance should be kept to a minimum. If comments about appearance are being made, then the other person may feel as though that is the FOCUS of this person’s attention.

  • http://lexib.net LexiB

    (Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed on The Curvy Fashionista are not those of the owner and should not be held accountable for them.)
    A compliment about her eyes or her smile would have been fine but not what makes up her body shape. But in the same breath, she was wrong for putting her hands on him. Who does she think she is- Elin Woods?
    Unless the two of them were about to be intimate, then a comment (good or bad) about someone’s figure is out of the question.
    And he better not think he’s Jamie Foxx either and try to blame it on the a-a-a-alcohol.
    .-= LexiB´s last blog ..Video: Keri Hilson feat. Akon “Change Me” =-.

  • Cygne

    It was too much too soon. BTW, I think the woman was OTT as well with the slap, no need for that. A simply, “You look beautiful/lovely/very pretty OR (more personal) “You have fabulous eyes/lips!,” would have worked much better. A general compliment or something about her FACE (hey, guys, we really like to think that’s the first thing you look at, ya know?) would have been much better.

  • Donna

    I agree that, even though this man had good intentions, it was too early for him to comment on this woman’s body. He T should consider this a learning experience and be thankful that he didn’t end up with a woman who probably doesn’t believe that she is as beautiful as he thinks she is.